Mom Shaming 101: The Basics a.k.a How Not to Be An Asshat to Your Fellow Moms

by - September 10, 2019

Because being a mom is tough, and we should be supporting each other instead of the other way around. 

Have you ever been mom shamed before?

I've never been mom shamed before. 

Oh, who am I kidding?

I've been mom shamed a lot. 

I experienced mom shaming even before I gave birth to my son and became an "official" mom.

A few days before my scheduled c-section, I posted a video of my husband and I building a crib for our son. I won't get into the exact details, but one mom (my husband's Facebook friend) commented something about co-sleeping and how we won't even be needing a crib because co-sleeping is THE BEST. One mom (someone who just gave birth a few weeks before me) even agreed with her and said that it was such a waste of time building their crib because now it was just folded up again since her baby didn't even want to be put there.

Needless to say, I replied to their comments about how I do know about co-sleeping as I was also planning to do it. I also went on to explain how you can still co-sleep and use the crib for other times aside from putting the baby in it to sleep at night.

Mom Shaming, as defined by, is bullying other moms for their parenting choices in subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) aggressions. 

To be quite honest, I've been unintentionally mom shaming other moms too. 

It could be a sweet story about my experience as a mom that unintentionally made another mom feel bad about her parenting choices, or an unsolicited advise that I offered to someone who was already feeling like a failure about her own parenting style.

So before you blurt out a seemingly harmless comment, here are some things to remember on
How Not to Be An Asshat to Your Fellow Moms
(whether intentionally or not)

1. Praise Don't Preach
Instead of preaching to other moms about something that you believe in, praise them about something that they are actually doing right. Looking for something to commend instead of something to comment about might be hard especially if you think you know better, but chances are, you are not perfect too. So let's just accept the fact that we're all just figuring out how to do this motherhood thing and pat each other's back when we can.

2. Don't Be Quick to Question
Questions like, "Is she walking yet?" or "Don't you want to go back to work?", may seem harmless and genuinely full of concern, but for some moms, this might be hurtful. So instead of questioning her about her baby and their parenting style, take the time to listen and understand their story then look for some common ground between the two of you and talk about that instead. Even if you're formula-feeding and the other mom is breastfeeding, chances are, you're both losing sleep at night so talk about that instead. As they say, each mom's journey is unique yet still the same.

3. Stop Joining in on the Judgement
With the onslaught of social media oversharing, it has become quite easier to judge other people without actually facing the consequences of our actions. Instagram moms these days get the most judgement either for staging perfect photos, or posting pictures that are too real. One mom could be judged for having a super clean house in all of her Instagram photos yet another mom would also be judged for posting photos of her dirty kitchen. The truth is, damned if you do, damned if you don't. Psychologists suggest that these passive aggressive criticisms stem from our own insecurities. So the next time you find yourself joining in on the judgement, remember that just because someone is doing it differently, doesn't mean they're doing it wrong.


Whether you're breastfeeding, formula-feeding, co-sleeping, sleep-training, complementary feeding, or what have you, truth is, each mom is not going to be exactly like you. Afrer all, we are all imperfect in our little ways, but in the eyes and hearts of our babies, we are all perfect. 

Have you ever been mom shamed before? Share your experiences below. 

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