How Motherhood Changed Me to be the Best Version of Myself

by - September 09, 2019

“Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I’ve ever been.” Iaian Thomas
Before getting married, I was what you would call a typical working millennial. Friday night-outs that turn into hung-over Saturday mornings were a regular thing, burning my allowances and salary over senseless shopping sprees was my form of “therapy”, and working was just something to do 8 hours a day.

My schedule was filled up 24/7 but there was a portion of my heart that was empty.

Everything changed by the end of summer 2017. I just came back from a week-long beach trip from Cagbalete, Quezon, enjoying my newly tanned skin, and my partner and I were getting ready for a new school year. For teachers like us, June was a clean slate ready to be filled with new students, new class records, and even new  life lessons. Little did I know that my life was going to be filled with so much more and that I was going to do a complete 180 degree turn.

I cried once I saw the two lines on the home pregnancy test. I cried not because I was not ready, I cried because I finally had a purpose – the purpose that’s been missing in my life.

The events after that were a bit of a blur. 9 months went by so fast and yet the hours were very slow as I dragged my feet while carrying my whole world in my tummy. Nearly by the end of my baby’s journey inside me, we found out that he was breached or suhi. My OB decided I needed to be scheduled for a c-section. So on my 26th birthday, at around 8 o’clock in the morning, my son was born and I was also born again as a mother. The 180 degree turn has been completed and I have the scar to prove it – or so I thought. Little did I know that it was only just beginning.

February 1, 2018 – Kristine gave birth to his son via scheduled c-section on her 26th birthday

Breastfeeding, complementary feeding, baby wearing, and baby led weaning – these are the words that I speak and think about 24 hours a day. Friday nights are spent inside the house with my husband and I binge-watching anything new on Netflix, side-lying with my son while he is on “unli-latch” the whole night. My favourite day is Saturday as I get to spend the morning making breakfast for my son, walking with him around our village, basking in the beautiful Saturday sun. I can’t remember the last time I spent money to shop for clothes that didn’t include the words “breastfeeding access” and “comfortable” in the description. Also, becoming a mom has inspired me to do better at my job because I want to help my husband in building a brighter future for our family.

I have found my purpose in motherhood and it has turned me into this glowing, inspired woman that I never thought I could be.

Of course, I’m not saying that motherhood is perfect. There are also moments when I just snap at my husband because I didn’t get to sleep soundly since my son was sick and didn’t want to be put to bed. Or the 5am crying-in-the-shower moments when I’m wondering if I’m doing the best for my son. Not to mention the sore nipples and mastitis and all the ugly sides of breastfeeding. But when I look at my son’s smile and see him grow into this tiny person - albeit clingy and in need of constant attention - I can’t help but give a sigh of relief as I thank God for giving us this little human to lead me to my calling in life. Motherhood has also brought me closer to Him as I see His hands work in miraculous ways during pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and now raising a toddler. Without Him, I would still be the same typical working millennial that I was in 2017. I pray that the flame of passion for motherhood that He has ignited in my heart would never burn out.

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